Published August 8, 2009
Vampire fic:Kori Anders is alone but doesn't care much for company, however as she goes about her daily business there is always someone watching her, someone who thinks shes fascinating, and hes not alone in thinking so... Rob/Star, Rae/BB, Arg/Aquwa,
OK everyone this is a vampire fan fiction for teen titans if you don't like them I suggest you don't read this! And this first chapter is a prologue so its going to happen in a later chapter I added this in for mystery hehehe anyway I may love twilight but I haven't copied any of the story lines its purely from my imagination!Plus the rating may go up in later chapters but I'm not sure...well have mercy on me if I do make it go up, u have to expect that sorta thing with vampires, all the angst and romance can go full on but ANYWAY here is Ebony Ink, enjoy!
Ebony Ink
Prologue
I stared out of the old and decayed window, wondering idly why no one had bothered to clean it. I was desperately trying not to think about what was going to take place in the next few minuets but failing miserably, what can I say?! This was going to be the worst moment in my life, how can I not think about it? I sighed and looked out of the grotty window again to the dark night, the moon above was almost in the middle of the sky....
...Midnight would be my death and I wouldn't even get to see him again. A few tears filled my emerald colored eyes but I brushed them away, it was better this way. I would never hurt him again and I could let my life go peacefully If I knew he was OK, which he was, so long as he was away from me.
I tucked a scarlet strand of my long hair away from my face like he used to and smiled fondly at the memory of him, this is how I would spend the last minuets of my life...
remembering the man that made my skin burn alive in passion, the man that made my heart twist and beat rapidly in happiness ......and also......the man that broke my soul in love.
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Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Hmm...well this is certainly an intriguing prologue that we've got here. Not the most unique of directions to see a story take, this is the sort of thing that gets done in hundreds of ways, but it is interesting and I think you've done a pretty solid job of establishing the general sense of things here so it does do its job as a prologue fairly well I think.
Onto a bit more detail I like the way you set this atmosphere to really match the kind of scene that we have playing out here. I think it ends up working out really well that way as you are as a reader also in the sort of mood that matches the information that gets put out there and it all works together quite nicely.
Ending on that pretty strong declaration rounds it all up quite nicely and I think like I said, overall this is a pretty solid prologue that is perhaps not quite as unique as it could be just yet but since this is just the prologue that is prone to happen and its not that big of an issue. At any rate I do find myself wanting to read more here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Hi Ella Thompson
I like this and I think its a good beginning, carry on writing it and see what happens.
Isn't there supposed to be a capital letter at the beginning of the last paragraph or is it lower case on purpose?
midnightread
Very interesting. I don't see much of anything wrong with it right now other than i have no clue of who "she" is or "he" for that matter. If you would add in that little detail i'm sure you'll be fine. I don't watch many vampire flicks so this may be normal for that kind of stuff if so then ignore my comments. K?
Thankyou ^_^ yes u have helped. Do you think I should just type up the rest?x
This is probably a typo from typing to fast, but you misspelled minutes. It's highlighted in bold. There also isn't a need to put two punctuation marks, pick one and stick with it. And the second part of that sentence doesn't sound right, more like this will:
"I was desperately trying not to think about what was going to take place in the next few minutes, but I was failing miserably."
And "what can I say" should be a whole other sentence like this:
What can I say? This was going to be the worse moment of my life, how can I not think about it!"
Mess with it, but make sure the first sentence ends with miserably. And "what can I say" is apart of the second.
Does that make sense?
After peacefully there really should be a period. Try and reword the second sentence.
Perhaps like this?:
"If I knew he was okay, which he was as long as he was away from me."
Or try another way of your own.
You spelled minutes wrong, probably just a typo though.
And one more thing. You use way to many periods or continuations at the end of the story. The normal would be three and no more.
Like this:
This is how I would spend my last minutes of my life...remembering the man."
And so on.
I hope I helped some! I love the idea, even if it isn't original, I love anything dealing with vampires (;